Dad

So I was having trouble sleeping - no wonder huh? i usually try to picture something pleasant and eventually it starts playing itself out. Directed dreaming I think it's called. So I thought of the farm. Although I've never been there, the thought of it is peaceful for me. You're out in the field doing whatever with your dad and Andrew - I'm in the house trying to help your Mom. It occurs to me that your grandmother is there so I think of asking her to show me how she quilts and we start chatting about family. I never learned to crochet from my grandma - she passed before I learned anything more than a chain stich. This conversation lead to talk of my Dad and that was the end of sleep. It's been 11 months. Almost a year. Why does it still hurt at times like it's brand new. Tonight I had to get out of bed - my pillow was too wet and needed some time to dry. Such kind hearted men are true gems. He was surrounded by similar men and you would have fit right in with his merry band of brothers. Maybe that's why I find it so easy to be around you - you seem to possess so many of his best qualities. Kindness, consideration, a willingness to show love however you feel like it at the moment. Empathy... knowing when someone needs a gentle reminder that things will be okay. Nothing is really as bad as it seems and we can conquer things together. I so wish you had known him.. and he, you. He would have grabbed you by the neck and pulled you way down to him and given you a kiss on the cheek you would remember! You knew when he was in the room. He loved large.